“I used to have friends that just just hung out together.” She sighed. “ We didn’t have to make plans or anything  We just hung out”.  The woman on the other end of the phone continued, “I think I just gave up trying years ago.”  Can you relate?

Where did our social circles go anyway? Years ago it seemed we easily congregated in some one’s apartment or dorm room. Young moms might gather occasionally at the neighborhood Starbucks, but eventually work environments become the main social environment.  How few of us work with groups of people who are genuinely supportive and kind to one another.  On good days ambivalent and on bad ones down right hostile, no wonder we isolate ourselves more and more as we get older. continue

I love to flirt on the golf course.

It feels really good, extra good for some reason, to have a man’s attention and appreciation on the golf course.  Even though I am married to my golfer and ADORE my time on the golf course with him, (I am still flirtier with him  on the course than anywhere else!)  I still enjoy the attention of men who notice my presence on the course.

Yes, I have a good swing and a fairly good game but even though I haven’t played much lately and my skills are a bit rusty, my higher scores have not impacted the male attention I get at all.  In fact, there is satisfaction in golf on many levels and score is only one.  (A quick comic recovery from an embarrassing shot is one of my secret flirting weapons.)

Now there are some WRONG WAYS to flirt. If your attempts to attract a guy’s attention on the course fall flat as the proverbial pancake, read on.  Men are hyper sensitive to the“I Must Meet Him Now” mindset and any flirting coming from that direction is doomed to failure.

If that is you, try on a new perspective in your search for a soul mate on the golf course.  Yes, he might be out there today, playing three holes ahead of you, destined to hold the door open for you when you finish your round.  But there is an equally intriguing possibility that someone there has a cousin or brother that you need to meet.  Law of Attraction will faithfully draw people to you for reasons you don’t see til you look backwards!

Golf is a uniquely powerful gateway to personal confidence and a woman who is confident in herself is undeniably attractive. Getting a flirty attention feels exquisite and there are so few women out there, you might want to consider any previous ideas about yourself and golf and explore the possibilities.

In golf there is the keenly excruciating opportunity for public embarrassment.  Anyone who has left three shots in the bunker, launched a tee shot into the pond or missed a putt from less than a foot knows exactly what I am talking about. BUT, I just got home from the range and there were easily FIFTY men practicing for FIVE women. Ladies, we have to get over ourselves!

If your golf confidence barely has a pulse, you will only attract the smart ass good old boys who LOVE to lampoon lady golfers. If you complain that there are no genuine guys out there, stop and ask yourself, why is this jerk bothering me.  Chances are his attitude reminds you of someone in your past who disregarded or discounted you.  No wonder you don’t like to hang out there.  I don’t blame you.

If these maddening mishaps keep you away from the game, I recommend you re-evaluate your experience with golf.  Look at it this way:  three out of four golfers are men.  There are great looking, professional, active and passionate single men congregating in large groups on a regular basis….possibly within five miles of your home.

Feeling inspired?  Ready to take action? Here’s your How To Flirt On The Golf Course Game Plan:

1.    Get a putting lesson. One on one instruction is terrific, but you will find that group lessons are great ways to meet people to practice and play with.  Lots of driving ranges offer short game clinics right in your area.

2.    Take action to increase your self confidence on the golf course. Read Golf is Not A Game Of Perfect by Dr. Bob Rotella or Zen Golf by Joseph Parent.  Want faster results?  Find a life coach who you enjoy and set your intention to double or triple your self confidence this summer.

3.    Get Out There And Flirt: Once you get some new skills to practice, it costs nothing to show up at your neighborhood golf course on the weekends with your putter and spend an hour on the putting green.  Believe me, you will be noticed and flirting opportunities abound!  Let it flow and enjoy the attention!  You deserve it!

“Should I go away and leave you alone for awhile?”

Sure doesn’t feel like an invitation for a romantic interlude.

Asking my husband this little question is my way of telling my man that I see he is trying to focus his attention on something else and that he is not going to be available to me in that minute. Isn’t that evolved of me?

He always laughs and allows me to disengage myself gracefully. Even though there are times I want his love and attention and I want it now, I am slowly learning to rein myself in.

If he grunts at me, or worse, gives me no response at all, thoughts of self doubt, rejection and disappointment rush into my mind. I hate feeling like that and so I used to press even closer, deeper and insist, many times passive aggressively, on his undivided attention.

Of course, the more I turned it up, the faster he closed down and shut me out. Before I knew it, I felt completely cut off.

It has been a real shocker to accept that it is me who cut myself out!

I know when he is engaged in his paper, certain sports on TV or his computer projects that he isn’t going to give me the attention I want, but I march right over myself and insist anyway. Not a good idea.

Being honest with myself has helped me see that I am not all that attractive when I am acting like a wounded 13 year old in my lame attempt to manipulate him into paying attention to me.

I also am better able to look at what will really make me feel better. I do need some options so that I can nurture myself wherever I can. When I have my personal needs in hand and am doing things to make myself feel better when I need to, he is much more likely to engage with me more often and with more focus. Yay.

Here are a couple of the ways that I am learning that are feeding my soul and plugging me into me. Becoming self sufficient in the emotional needs department does not mean your man is totally off the hook. No, it means that when you are confident that your happiness is in your own hands, he will welcome opportunities to be with you and engage with you. I don’t blame him for not wanting to bond with a neurotic 13 year old, would you?

1. Write. I know you have heard about journaling for years and if you are like me, you have procrastinated a few years away not getting around to it. This time though, I have a specific assignment. Take one week and write a letter every day to seven of the people who have made an impact on your life. These are letters never meant to be sent, just gives you an opportunity to thank them.

2. Move. The diet and exercise community has created an ocean of guilt around exercise. The truth is, a part of your loves the feeling of the breeze on your face. A part of you loves fresh air. A part of you loves looking at the scenery. A part of you loves to walk instead of ride. Give that part the gift of your attention. Put a book on audio on your IPOD and listen while you walk. Tribes by Seth Godin is the best book you can be listening to right now.

3. Play. Get a checker board or deck of cards and start to play games with your friends. Instead of sitting there talking about what is not working or the latest gossip, play a game. Engage your mind and your companion in a brand new way.

4. Rest. There is a fabulous tool for physical rest that everyone should know about. You can get a “weighted blanket’ to lay under and create the deepest and most delicious body rest you can imagine. There is science around this that I can go into later, but take my word for it. If you are hyper like me, resting under a heavy blanket is nirvana! Go to http://www.weightedblanket.net and they will set you up.

5. Laugh. Rent your favorite comedies and watch them often. I love The Birdcage with Nathan Lane and Robin Williams and Liar Liar with Jim Carrey. Don’t wait for your man to want to watch them with you. Laugh hard and laugh long. You really can have fun by yourself.

My husband was leaving for golf this morning and I was doing my cute stuff, you know, wrapping my arms around him while he was trying to shave and pressing myself against him walking in tandem as he tried to leave.

I said, “I bet you will really miss someone hanging all over you while you are playing golf today!” He laughed and hugged me. He smiles at me with genuine fondness as he goes off to spend the day with his buds.

I know I matter to husband. I know he cares deeply about me. And I also know that he is relieved that I am able to provide so much of my emotional sustenance for myself. I am learning to enjoy my own company and you will never guess what has happened! I am becoming irresistible to him.